How to untangle hard-to-follow sentences
Some sentences are hard to follow even when they aren't long. Readers have to hold one part in mind while they wait for another. This guide shows where that happens and how to rebuild the sentence.
Why it matters
When a subject sits far from its verb, or a sentence opens with a long lead-in, readers can lose track of who is doing what before the sentence pays off.
What you can do
Bring the subject and verb together
Move long descriptions out from between the subject and its verb, usually to the end of the sentence.
Ask yourself: Who or what is acting in this sentence, and how many words does the reader wait to learn what it does?
Show an example
BeforeThe committee, after reviewing three years of complaints from residents who had waited months for repairs, approved the budget.
AfterThe committee approved the budget after reviewing three years of complaints from residents who had waited months for repairs.
Put the main point first
Start with the main clause and let conditions and qualifications follow it.
Ask yourself: What is the one thing this sentence must tell the reader? How long before it arrives?
Show an example
BeforeAlthough the data were incomplete and several sites reported late, the study found a clear trend.
AfterThe study found a clear trend, although the data were incomplete and several sites reported late.
Split at the second idea
If one sentence carries two claims, give each claim its own sentence.
Ask yourself: Read the sentence aloud. Where do you hear a second claim begin?
Show an example
BeforeThe policy reduced wait times, which had been rising since 2019 because staffing had not kept pace, but it also raised costs.
AfterThe policy reduced wait times, which had been rising since 2019 because staffing had not kept pace. It also raised costs.
Unnest clauses
When a clause sits inside another clause, turn one of them into its own sentence.
Ask yourself: Which of the tucked-in ideas could stand on its own?
Show an example
BeforeThe report that the agency that oversees the program released last spring was ignored.
AfterThe agency that oversees the program released a report last spring. It was ignored.
When to leave it as it is
A long, building sentence is doing deliberate work, such as creating suspense or holding a series together, and the sentences around it give readers a rest.
See it in a real text
Prosemetry raises this in paragraph 8 of Persuasion, Chapter 1 by Jane Austen. Open the sample at that paragraph to see the note as a writer would, read-only.
See it in your own draft
Prosemetry reads your Word document and marks the passages where this happens, so you know where to look. It doesn’t rewrite anything; the revising stays yours. Free to try, no account needed.
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