When writing is too dense: unpacking packed sentences
Dense writing feels efficient to the writer and slow to the reader, who has to unpack every phrase. This guide shows how to loosen a packed passage without padding it.
Why it matters
Dense prose is efficient for experts but makes other readers unpack each phrase before they can move on.
What you can do
Unpack noun strings
Rewrite a stack of nouns as a phrase with a verb or a preposition.
Ask yourself: In each highlighted string, what is acting on what?
Show an example
Beforethe student loan repayment assistance program
Afterthe program that helps students repay their loans
Give each sentence one new idea
Spread new information across sentences instead of packing it into one.
Ask yourself: How many new ideas does the reader meet in this sentence?
Show an example
BeforeRising coastal property insurance costs reduce new housing construction investment.
AfterInsurance on coastal property keeps getting more expensive. As a result, fewer developers invest in new housing there.
Add an example
A concrete case gives readers something to hold while they absorb an abstract point.
Ask yourself: Where would a reader most want to see a concrete case?
Show an example
BeforeRegulatory fragmentation increases compliance costs.
AfterRegulatory fragmentation increases compliance costs. A bakery selling in three states may face three different labeling rules.
When to leave it as it is
The passage is a definition, summary or abstract where compression is expected.
See it in your own draft
Prosemetry reads your Word document and marks the passages where this happens, so you know where to look. It doesn’t rewrite anything; the revising stays yours. Free to try, no account needed.
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